The Problem with Fairytales
Still, for a young impressionable girl such as I was, it was easy to be drawn in by the stories of love, magic, rescue, and knights in shining armor. However, there was no balance. There was no non-fiction alternative to offset these stories of fantasy. And yet although it would seem that transitioning to adulthood would have been all that was required to cause me to let go of these fantasist ideas about romantic love, somehow they lingered. These ideas hung on in my thoughts like moss from Willow trees. My biggest problem with the fairytales was not wanting to give up the idealistic romantic notions that I gleaned from the plots of these stories and unconsciously using them as guides as to how my own relationships should operate.
Yet how would the authors of these folktales we call fairytales know that hundreds of years later, girls of all ages would hang on to every word of their stories and use them as abstract models of love in order to achieve happiness? I’m sure they didn’t know. How could they have a clue? In fact, in long days past, they told stories for very different reasons than we do now. Stories of folklore were told to pass down history and to teach lessons, not merely for entertainment. The problem with fairytales is not that they were fairytales. The problem with fairytales is that people, obviously mostly women, used them as a gauge, an example, and a model for relationships.
Fairytales are folklore.
They were never meant to be a standard of living for one’s personal life.
Sure fairytales entertain. They give us something to smile about and enjoy and for the moment, it is nice, specifically for women, to entertain the notion of being rescued from our tragedies by tall, dark, and handsome men. Realistically however, that is rarely how things ever work out. If we’re honest with ourselves sometimes we aren’t the helpless princess, sometimes there is no wicked witch and we are the ones who have created our own problems. And I think it’s possible that we can all admit that at one time or another we’ve brought home a bullfrog who after being kissed multiple times, never ever turned into the prince we dreamed about.
It is important to understand that we along with the characters in our own lives are real and human and flawed. Our circumstances are often very different from day to day depending on many things. Sometimes we’re up and sometimes we’re down and positivity must be met with a dash of realism in order to properly plan and prepare within this real life experience. Unfortunately, fairytales don’t include those realities within their beautifully creative narratives.
This is not to say that we should not hope for love, romance, or happy endings. It is simply to say that we must remain conscious of how we interpret and process information that we take in and apply to the realistic context of our own lives.
To add, in the spirit of Women’s History Month this March, we must be careful that when we share these beloved stories with the young girls in our lives, whether it be our daughters, granddaughters, nieces, sisters, etc., that we also share with them lessons and stories of empowerment and self-love and provide them with the life skills to guide them in the right direction in their personal relationships as they grow and become young women.
We can indeed enjoy fairytales and all of those stories that brought many of us so much joy during our childhood, but we should never be misguided by them. Although I’m sure that wasn’t the purpose that the authors and storytellers intended, these stories have indeed shaped the minds and thoughts of many young girls about what it means to be happy in their relationships.
But if there is one piece of advice I’d like to impart, it would be…
Never allow someone else’s story to guide your life!
You are the author of your life story!
Although you may eat some bad apples, kiss some frogs, and have to fight some dragons along the way, your once upon a time begins with each new day and your happy ending occurs with each day’s sunset.
Write your own story, allow God to guide you, and pray for discernment in your relationships and always make wise decisions and take the proper steps to ensure that the relationship you are in is a healthy one.
Use your heart AND your head in your quest for happily ever after.
A. L. Hearn